THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
