Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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