i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
