My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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