Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
