why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
God, you're like boner-b-gone
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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