haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
This house was built for laser tag.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
