Tell her she can't have a vagina
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
