better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
