im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
