You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
