Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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