Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
