we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
