they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
