with your own penis?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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