So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
