Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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