Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
