I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
