he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Man, jail baloney is awful.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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