you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
