id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
