I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
