Me. At least after what I've been through.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
