Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I need to align my fucking chakras
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
