his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
