Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I want a musical about memes.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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