I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
