11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
