so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I looked at my own cervix.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
