i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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