I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
