So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
