So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
