Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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