I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize
