Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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