My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
