i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
As shirtless as possible
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
