I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Dignity is for republicans.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
