if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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