I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
