Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
