Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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