Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
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