I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
