dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
