I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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