i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
