they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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