all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
