This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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