you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
did i just pee glitter
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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