you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
