Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
