I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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