did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
