Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
