i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
