i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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