chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
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