those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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